So that is what she did…
Ispy drove home and told her 13 year old daughter that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. They held each other tight and Ispy was brave and strong, and promised the girl that mummy would fight to stay alive and watch her live her life. You may wonder, ‘why tell the child’ but never one to tolerate dishonesty, Ispy believes that transparency is the only way to live your life.
Next Ispy rang her sister, who cried, and Ispy was brave and strong and reassured her. Then she asked her sister to tell their mum. This all happened almost a year to the date that their Dad had been laid to rest. Cruel irony is one of life’s great little games to play. Mum rang and she cried and Ispy was brave and strong and reassured her that this was not going to get her. Ispy wanted to say that everything was going to be alright … but she couldn’t because she didn’t know.
When ringing her closest friend and confidant, Ispy first asked her was she alone? Reassured that someone was there she began to break the news. Of course soul sister knew where Ispy had been that day and before even beginning to explain soul sister gasped and was weeping. Soon after she arrived at the door with pain relief (needle biopsy is painful), hugs and tears.
Telling people that she loved about her breast cancer diagnosis was perhaps one of the hardest things that Ispy endured.
Ironically as it seems, Ispy came to view the diagnosis as a series of gifts.
- The gift of time
- The gift of reflection
- The gift of reevaluation
Ispy had either been in full-time work or education for over 40 years. Even when having her daughter maternity leave had been filled with baby and busyness. This time was just for Ispy and no one minded that she did things for herself. So Ispy filled this time with doing things that she wouldn’t have time to do in her normal life.
Time brought with it scope for reflection. Reflecting lead to reevaluation. The diagnosis fast became a blessing.
Plagued by health anxiety her entire life, Ispy had lived her 48 years in fear of this very thing. Working with cancer patients had not eased this fear but in a twist of pure irony this diagnosis cured the fear. When your worst fear happens and you are still ok, what is there to fear?
The lesson learned? Sometimes fear is the biggest liar of all because sometimes the reality is not as bad as the fear. Face your fears and you will find freedom to live and breathe and love …
IspyDystopia 